One of the toughest and most difficult things we humans are ever called upon to do is to forgive. Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change, either is forgiving yourself that can be much harder, or someone else. It is easy to blame others for our own problems. The habit of placing responsibility on others, the weather, the economy or anything else is insincere and makes us weak.
In this article we help you make the decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge or forgiving yourself and releasing yourself from the past.
Follow the 7 steps that lead to forgiveness and move forward.
- Responsibility: Tell yourself that you will not hold anyone else responsible for that hurtful event. That doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, nor does it minimize or justify the wrong.
- Feeling: Remember the incident and how did it make you feel when it happened. Experience the feeling as if it is happening again.
- Labelling: Put a title to your emotion. Was it anger, fear, grief, jealousy?
- Expressing: Write down a text describing exactly what happened in the first person, afterwards rewrite it in the second person. Finally write it again in the third person, giving a neutral an objective description.
- Sharing: Share your story with someone you trust.
- Release: Destroy or burn the piece of paper you wrote.
- Celebrating: Feel the liberation deep inside and celebrate. Listen to your favorite song and dance.
Here is a meditation exercise that will help you take responsibility for your own actions.
- Sit comfortable and start focusing on your breath for five minutes.
- Think of a situation where things went wrong because of someone else. For example, missing a project deadline because your assistant forgot to email it on time. How do you feel blaming your assistant?
- Now see things from another aspect. Think that you have full responsibility for sending the project on time. How does that make you feel? Do you feel more powerful? When you have full responsibility, you can learn from your mistakes. Maybe next time you’ll finish your project one day before the due date.
- Think of a similar situation, where you put the blame on someone else for your own failure. Rethink the situation and this time take full responsibility. What does that teaches you? How does taking responsibility makes you feel stronger?